If you are concerned about someone, trust your instincts. Share your concerns with someone who can help; don't keep quiet. Reporting concerns get people connected with help and support. NOTE: These resources are for when you suspect someone may be at risk for suicide, NOT during an active mental health crisis.

Reporting online:

• UCARE: Members of the campus community are encouraged to contact UCARE when concerned about a student, regardless of how insignificant the concern may seem. Doing so assists UCARE  in collecting various pieces of the puzzle to connect the student with appropriate resources and support. Share a concern
• Title IX: Title IX of the Education Amendments of 1972 protects people from discrimination based on sex in education programs or activities which receive federal financial assistance and prohibits sexual harassment, sexual misconduct, and other forms of sexual discrimination.  Incident Report Online

Consult with a person about your concerns:

• Student Well-Being: Contact to speak with a counselor about your concerns. All contact with a counselor is confidential. Visit 204 Norwood Hall or call 573.341.4211.

• Care Management: Contact to speak with a care manager about concerns you notice, such as mental health concerns, academic concerns, and more. Visit 107 Norwood Hall or call 573.341.4209

 

During University Hours (Monday-Friday, 8:00am-5:00pm):

• Call Student Well-Being at 573.341.4211 or come to 204 Norwood Hall

 

After University Hours (Evenings, Weekends, or Holidays):

• All available 24/7:

  • Call the Missouri S&T Police at (573) 341-4300 or call 911
    • Immediate danger to life of self or others. Missouri S&T Police will consult with a licensed counselor or connect individuals to resources below.
  • Crisis Text Line - Text HOME to 741741
    • Crisis Text Line is a global not-for-profit organization providing free crisis intervention via SMS message. The organization's services are available 24 hours a day every day, throughout the US by texting 741741 
  • Call the National Suicide Prevention Lifeline at (800) 273-8255 (For Veterans, Press 1)
    • The National Suicide Prevention Lifeline is a United States-based suicide prevention network of 161 crisis centers that provides a 24/7, toll-free hotline available to anyone in suicidal crisis or emotional distress
  • Call the Compass Health Hotline at (800) 833-3915
    • Staffed by mental health professionals who can respond to your crisis 24 hours per day and 7 days per week, they will talk with you about your crisis and help you determine what further help is needed - for example, a telephone conversation to provide understanding and support, a face-to-face intervention, an appointment the next day with a mental health professional, or perhaps an alternative service that best meets your needs. They may give you other resources or services within your community to provide you with ongoing care following your crisis. All calls are strictly confidential.
  • Call the Phelps Health Hospital Emergency Department at (573) 458-8899 located at 1000 W. 12th St., Rolla, MO
  • Healing Space- Sexual Violence Resource Center 24/7 Hotline at (201) 487-2227
  • National Domestic Violence Hotline at 1-800-799-SAFE (7233) or chat on thehotline.org
  • Trevor Project- 24/7 Lifeline for LGBTQ+ concerns at 1-866-488-7386

If the person denies suicidal thoughts and you still have concerns about his or her safety, let the person know by saying something like: “You say you aren’t going to kill yourself, but I'm still concerned about you.” 

After expressing your continued concern, you have the following options for dealing with the denial:

• Reassure the person that help is available and that you will help them get it.
• Encourage the person to identify their resources and help the person get connected.
• Consider calling parents or involving significant others, consulting with a mental health professional, or contacting other appropriate resources like a Resident Director.
• Trust your instincts that the person may be in trouble.
• Take the person directly to the appropriate source of help.
• Make sure the person is not left alone until the immediate crisis has passed.

Understanding Grief

The shock and grief that consumes you after you lose someone to suicide is overwhelming. It can feel like you have fallen into a deep hole and will never be able to get out. These are natural feelings which will likely change as you move through the grieving.

No two people experience loss in the same way. Some may experience physical symptoms such as headaches or changes in appetite and/or sleeping patterns. A person in grief may also experience some or all of the following feelings:

SHOCK: "I feel numb." Feelings of being dazed or detached are a common response to trauma. Shock can protect the mind from becoming completely overwhelmed, allowing the person to function.

DENIAL: "I feel fine." Sometimes people can consciously or unconsciously refuse to accept the facts and information about another's death. This process can be even more challenging when there is little information or explanation about a loved one's suicide. Eventually, as you gather information and accept that you may not be able to know everything, you can begin to process the reality of this tragic event and all the emotions that come with it. In time, however, our minds become more able to analyze the tragic event, and this allows the denial to give way to less troubling emotions.

GUILT: "I think it was my fault." Feelings of guilt following a suicide are very common. Guilt comes from the mistaken belief that we should have, or could have, prevented the death from happening. Guilt can also arise if there are un-reconciled issues with the deceased or regret about things said or not said. In truth, no person can predict the future, nor can they know all the reasons for another person's actions. It is human nature to blame oneself when experiencing a loss, rather than accepting the truth that some things were out of our control.

SADNESS: "Why bother with anything?" Once the initial reactions to the death by suicide have lessened in intensity, feelings of sadness and depression can move to the forefront. These feelings can be present for some time and can, at times, be triggered by memories and reminders of the loved one who was lost. Feelings of hopelessness, frustration, bitterness, and self-pity are all common when dealing with a loss of a loved one. Typically, you gradually learn to accept the loss and embrace both your happy and sad memories.

ANGER: "How could they do this to me?" Feelings of anger towards the person you have lost can arise. Many who mourn feel a sense of abandonment. Others feel anger towards a real or perceived culprit. These feelings can be complex and distressing when they are directed at the person who died. It is important to know that it is possible to both be angry with someone, and to still hold them dear in your heart. Sometimes anger is needed before you can accept the reality of the loss.

ACCEPTANCE: "I can miss them and still continue living." The ultimate goal of healing is to accept the tragic event as something that could not have been prevented and cannot be changed. Acceptance is not the same as forgetting. Instead, acceptance is learning to live again and to be able to reopen your heart, while still remembering the person who has passed away.

 

What Makes Suicide Different

Losing a friend or loved one is never easy. However, when you lose someone to suicide, it can feel different from other types of loss. Several circumstances can make death by suicide different, making the healing process more challenging.

STIGMA AND ISOLATION: Talking about suicide can be difficult for those who have experienced the loss. Different cultures view suicide in different ways, and sometimes discussing it can be a challenge. This can also be made more difficult when the act of suicide conflicts with religious views. Suicide can be isolating as communities of friends each struggle differently to make sense of the loss they all experienced. Finding the right people in your support network who are able to help you experience your loss is important. Sometimes, this may mean seeking professional help in order to help you cope with your loss. In those situations it is recommended that you contact a counselor at the UT Counseling and Mental Health Center, or find a trusted therapist in the community.

MIXED EMOTIONS: After a death by illness or natural causes, the bereaved' s feelings may be less complicated than when the death is by suicide. When a death is by suicide, you might both mourn the person's passing while also hold intense feelings about the circumstances of their death. Feelings such as anger, abandonment, and rejection can all occur after a suicide as well as positive feelings about the deceased. Sorting through all of these diverse feelings can make the healing process more challenging.

NEEDING TO UNDERSTAND WHY: Understanding the circumstances of a death by suicide can sometimes lead us to asking "Why?" You may second guess actions, wish that you had noticed signs earlier, or wonder how you could have acted differently. This need to understand "why" may be a difficult path, as the circumstances surrounding the loved one's death could be unclear or not easily known. Some questions may never be answered, while you may find other answers that make sense. Sometimes you will find answers to your questions, while other times, you must learn to accept the fact that there are some things no one can know.

RISK FOR SURVIVORS: People who have recently experienced a loss by suicide are at increased risk for having suicidal thoughts themselves. After experiencing the loss of a loved one, it's not uncommon to wish you were dead or to feel like the pain is unbearable. Remember that having suicidal thoughts does not mean that you will act on them. These feelings and thoughts will likely decrease over time, but if you find them too intense, or if you're considering putting your thoughts into action, seek support from a mental health professional.

 

Healthy Ways to Cope with Grief and Loss

You will never "get over" the loss you've experienced, but you can "get through" it. You have been changed by this loss, but you can learn how to survive, even grow, from this challenge. The following are suggestions for healing in healthy ways:

SEEK SUPPORT: It's very important to find people in your life who are good listeners, so you can turn to someone when you need extra support. You may find it helpful to talk to a friend, family member, mental health professional or spiritual advisor. Some find joining a support group helpful since each person will be able to relate in different ways to your experience. The UT Counseling and Mental Health Center offers a Grief and Loss group that you could join. Whatever support looks like for you, it's important to reach out for help when you feel like you need it.

BE PATIENT: Just as you may be feeling a range of emotions, people around you may also be sorting through their feelings. Be patient with yourself and others: those who are supportive of you as well as those who do not seem to understand. Limit your contact with those who tell you how to feel and what to think. Take time to heal. Set limits for yourself, and give yourself permission to say "no" to things that may come your way. It's difficult to make decisions when you're feeling overwhelmed; you may decide it's best to put off important decisions until you feel ready to make them.

STAY PRESENT: Take each moment as it comes. That way, you can better accept whatever you're feeling and be able to respond in the way that is most helpful to you. Maybe you would benefit from calling your best friend. Maybe journaling would help you let go of your thoughts for now. Learning mindfulness or relaxation techniques like deep breathing can help you stay present and experience your emotions without feeling overwhelmed. The UT Counseling and Mental Health Center offers a Mindfulness Meditation group, or you could check out their MindBody Lab located on the 5th floor of the Student Services Building.

EXPRESS YOURSELF: You can choose to tell others how you're feeling or acknowledge your feelings privately. If you don't feel like talking, you can set aside time each day to grieve. Just make sure you leave enough time to do something pleasantly distracting before bed. Either way, acknowledging your experiences helps.

ALLOW YOURSELF TO HAVE FUN: Social events or pleasant activities can provide relaxation and distraction. Laughter heals, and it's also OK if you cry.

ESTABLISH ROUTINE: Even getting dressed may seem challenging, but it's important to reestablish routine as soon as you can. Building in some structure can help you manage your grief and provide a sense of normalcy and hope.

TAKE CARE OF YOURSELF: Eat as well as you can, exercise when you can, and avoid alcohol and other drugs that will make it harder for you to work through your feelings.

 

How to Tell Others about Your Loss

When a loved one or friend dies by suicide, knowing what to say to others can be challenging. Sometimes the stigma associated with suicide can cause survivors to feel like they need to hide the truth or suppress their anguish. Sometimes survivors feel that others who were not directly touched by the suicide do not understand what they are experiencing. When this happens, dealing with a loved one's suicide can feel like a painful secret.

It is important to think about what you are comfortable talking about, and what you may say if you are asked questions. You might choose to tell others that you aren't ready to talk, e.g., "I can't talk about this right now. It's too painful." If you are ready to tell others about the loss, you still may choose not to tell them all the details. In those situations, it is fine to say, "They died by suicide, but it is too hard for me to talk about what happened at this time." Remember, when and how you talk to others about the suicide is completely your decision.

Stigma remains a hurdle to cross when talking about suicide. Stigma is an undeserved and harmful label that others put on someone or something. It can make you feel like you must hide the truth behind a loved one's death in order to avoid being judged by others. The stigma associated with suicide can be scary, but you are not alone, and finding those who you can talk with is important. The UT Counseling and Mental Health Center is a good resource for either direct support or for more information about community resources.

 

Remember

• Grief after losing someone to suicide can feel like a rollercoaster, full of intense ups and downs and everything in between.
• There are healthy ways to cope with your loss.
• Resources are available on campus to help you with your academic and emotional needs. Reach out to friends, family, and supportive others when you want to talk or need distraction.
• If the intensity of your grief does not ease in time, seek professional help.
• You will never "get over" the loss you've experienced, but over time you can begin to heal.

 

(From The University of Texas at Austin Counseling and Mental Health Center)

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